Mental health is made possible when we are honest with ourselves and with others. When truth is denied, trust is broken. Being open and honest in a relationship builds intimacy, while becoming defensive, argumentative, and resistant to change will damage it. Anger and counter-attacks create distrust and block both parties from hearing each other. Rebuilding trust with someone is not just a decision to be made, it is a lifestyle change that requires honesty with yourself and those you have hurt. Lying and cheating weaken the foundation of relationships and it is important to work out the issues sincerely and without anger, defensiveness, or assigning blame. Take full responsibility for your actions as an important first step to rebuild a solid foundation of trust. In this lesson we address six, actionable steps to rebuilding trust in a relationship to help you get on the right track.

Dishonesty Erodes Trust

Since consistent behavior demonstrated over a period of time builds trust, it stands to reason every dishonest gesture and lie told damages your integrity. Look through the following list and use it as an inventory to identify past problems with honesty.

Most people care about the truth, desire to be honest, and would say lying is wrong. They also genuinely want acceptance and approval. When those two values collide, a choice between honesty or approval is forced. Some people lie to retain approval. This strategy often backfires, causing further damage to the relationship. There are many emotional reasons that cause people to have trouble being upfront and truthful. However, there are more, and better, reasons for telling the truth and being honest.

When You have Been Hurt

Trust is a two-way street. Just as you have damaged relationships through dishonest and deceptive words and actions, others have likely betrayed and deceived you. In the same way, your willingness to trust them needs to be rebuilt over time. Draw a boundary and distance yourself from someone who repeatedly demonstrates they are untrustworthy. Giving your jewelry to a jewel thief is not trust, it is bad judgment. Keep your distance until they have changed their track record and can be trusted again. If they fail to change behavior, take it as an indicator your boundary needs to stay in place.